Choosing the right divorce mediator for you and for your spouse is critical for the success of the process.You want a divorce mediator who has received a certificate of divorce mediation training (40 hours) as well as a certificate of intensive advanced training. Mediators may come from other relevant professions like family law and family therapy.
You may also want to check experience with the issues relating to divorce are important qualifications. While specific divorce mediation experience is a clear credential,and it is important to ask the mediator about his or her background and training. The more trained and experienced the mediator is, the higher the chances of success in the process.

Look for a qualified professional with whom you feel comfortable—You want your mediator to be a skillful facilitator who helps you define your own choices but who can also, when appropriate, offer specific options from his experience that you may not have considered. Choose someone whom you believe is qualified and with whom you feel very comfortable so you can be as open as possible.

Mediation is appropriate at any stage of a dispute. It can be the first step in seeking a resolution of the dispute after any negotiations conducted by the parties alone have failed or it can be used at any time during litigation or arbitration when the parties wish to interrupt the litigation or arbitration to attempt settlement.

Another common use of mediation is prevention. Individuals or parties may mediate during negotiations for an agreement when the negotiations have reached an impasse.

Do keep in mind- mediation is always an option. Even when you think that things between your spouse and you are hopelessly ’stuck’. an experienced mediator can help you reach decisions and move forward.

Mediation is generally more affordable, quicker, and more effective than litigation.

Litigation can last years, while mediation is usually started and completed in a few weeks even for the most complex cases.

Additionally, in litigation there is a winner and a loser and as a result the parties often leave angry and bitter over the results. In mediation, however, the individuals are able to craft their own resolution rather than having them imposed upon them. Your parenting plan, for example, will be designed by you rather than imposed on you by the court, and so will the rest of your decisions regarding finances and more.

Each state has developed guidelines to calculate a range of child support to be paid, based on the parents’ respective incomes and expenses. These guidelines vary from state to state, which means that in virtually identical situations the child support ordered in one state may be far more or less than that ordered in another state. The guidelines in effect in most states specify factors that must be considered in determining who pays how much child support. These factors usually include:

1. The needs of the child — including health insurance, education, day care, and special needs
2. The income and needs of the custodial parent
the paying parent’s ability to pay, and the child’s standard of living before divorce or separation.
Child support can be calculated in mediation under the state’s guidelines and based on the parties’ financial situation.

The fact of the matter is that unlike some other states, New Jersey does not have a formal law authorizing Legal Separation.
Other states, such as New york, do offer a formal Legal Separation as an option for couples wishing to stop living as husband and wife, but on the other hand are not ready yet to file for divorce. Some people are mistaken to think that there is legal separation in the state of NJ, but in fact, applying for divorce is done directly, and unless there is other grounds for divorce, many couples declare irreconcilable differences as a cause for their divorce, which does not exist as grounds for divorce in the state of NY. For any questions regarding issues of legal separation and divorce, please do not hesitate to contact me any time at 1-800-506-6953 or email me at michelle@DivorceWithoutDisaster.com.

Although a legal separation and divorce have, many things in common there are some advantages to obtaining a legal separation rather than a divorce. I usually count seven main advantages:

1. It allows couples time apart, away from the conflict of the marriage to decide if divorce is what they truly want.
2. It allows for the retention of medical benefits and certain other benefits that divorce would bring to an end.
3. If your religious beliefs conflict with the idea of divorce, you are able to live separately and retain your marital status for religious beliefs.
4. If you are a military spouse, you may wish to remain married for 10 years so that you can take advantage of benefits set up by the Uniformed Services Former Spouse Protection Act.
5. Remaining married for 10 years or more also means being able to take advantage of certain social security benefits for a spouse.
6. If the decision to divorce is made, the legal separation agreement can be converted into a divorce settlement agreement.
7. In the state of New York, legal separation for 12 months can be ground for divorce for couples who do not have any other grounds for divorce.

Unlike divorce, a legal separation does not put an end to the marriage. During a legal separation, you have a court order that regulates the rights and responsibilities of each spouse while living apart. You remain legally married while choosing to live separate lives. Issues that can be addressed in a separation agreement are division of assets and debts, child custody and child support, visitation schedules and spousal support.
The same issues addressed during the divorce process are also addressed in a legal separation agreement. A legal separation can protect your interests until the decision is made to file for divorce. Legal separation of one year is also a cause for divorce without assigning fault to either spouse in the state of NY. Some couples choose legal separation as a means of allowing time to evaluate where things are at between them while regulating financial and custody issues, and some use legal separation as a legitimate cause for divorce a year, or longer, down the road. Legal separation agreements can be reached in mediation, which will allow the parties for a quick, amicable and less painful process until the legal separation agreement is reached.